A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair.
She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day, she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up! You’re next!”
Morris and his wife, Esther, went to the state fair every year. And every year, Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know, Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.” One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and…
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and finally got married. They had a little one, a real SWEET POTATO, whom they called “YAM.” They wanted the best for little YAM, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out…
There’s this guy who has been stranded on a deserted island all alone for 10 years. One day, he sees an unusual speck on the horizon. “It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even…
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church listening to the Organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for…
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks the man, “What problem are you having today?” The man says, “I’ve messed up my back. It hurts in several places when I move.” The doctor asks, “How did it happen?” The man replies, “Well, . . . Doctor, it’s like this. I’ve been suspecting my…
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, “ALLLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do…