A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair.
She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day, she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up! You’re next!”
An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We was caught in a monster storm off the cape, and a giant wave…
A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, “I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something; in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again.” “Well,” the doctor replies, “go home tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and…
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he got on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow! These seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving at the…
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks the man, “What problem are you having today?” The man says, “I’ve messed up my back. It hurts in several places when I move.” The doctor asks, “How did it happen?” The man replies, “Well, . . . Doctor, it’s like this. I’ve been suspecting my…
A scout master was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the desert. “What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?” he asked. Several hands went up. Many important things were suggested, such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the…
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church listening to the Organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for…