A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, “I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something; in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again.” “Well,” the doctor replies, “go home tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and…
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks the man, “What problem are you having today?” The man says, “I’ve messed up my back. It hurts in several places when I move.” The doctor asks, “How did it happen?” The man replies, “Well, . . . Doctor, it’s like this. I’ve been suspecting my…
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!” The next morning, he got up early and left for work. When his…
Morris and his wife, Esther, went to the state fair every year. And every year, Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know, Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.” One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and…
A man stopped at a rural gas station. After filling his gas tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. As he stood by his car to drink his drink, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then…
A lumberjack raised his only son and managed to finance the young man’s college education the only way he knew how. Which was cutting down trees by hand. The young man had helped his father cut down some of those trees. He knew how hard his father had to work to put him through college….
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, “ALLLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do…
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field. They saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a rowboat. The blonde driver turned to her friend and said, “You know, it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!” To this, the other blonde replied, “I know it! And…
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by most everything they saw. Especially by two shiny, silver walls that would move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this, father?” The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything…
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, “Pig!” The man immediately leans out of the window and replies, “Witch!” They each continue on their way. As the man rounds the…